Monday, January 24, 2005
although it isnt obvious, i still have the unexplained fondness for him.
until now. now, today. i havent let go fully of him. i cant love anyone else. i tried. they're so superficial, all just silly crushes. they dont last over a weekend.
they say the first cut is the deepest. it hurt.. and hurts..
i love myself so little it hurts. been quite caught up with trying to rebound from my falls. im fragile.. i cant fall in love, who knows it might be the thang that kills me.not some bad guy or disease. heart break.
thats y .. i play gunbound all the time. when i play gunbound im forced to concentrate on the game itself. it takes me away from my worldly pains, so well that i dont realize ive been sitting here for hours...
then when i get forced to stop playing by my parents, its like, 10pm plus. yesterday it was 12am.
im.. feeling so helpless...
sometimes. i really feel like giving it all up. no more dreams, no future, no nothing.
no disappointment, no rejection, no unhappiness
why do things that matter the most, never end up cutting close
now that i know, it aint so bad, i dont think i knew what i had
xoxo
joce-lyn
10:10 PM
